I wanted to share with you all a piece that I wrote back in 2012. It was a defining moment in my life, one that helped change my whole path and potentially my future.
“God, I don’t understand… I can’t make sense of all this. Why is this happening to me? Why now?” The hurt and angry tears streamed down my face as I leaned against the porch railing, my legs tucked against myself, curled in a fetal position. It’s spring time, I can feel it. The air smells fresh and the sun shines down on the earth with rays of hope.
A crazy idea.
I stand up and slowly lower my bare feet on to the damp earth and breathe a sigh of relief. I take a step, and another. Walk to the muddy patch and stare into the murky waters.
“God, it hurts so bad….” A tear lands in the puddle and then another. For once it is not raining a pathetic fallacy overhead. I walk to the trees, staring up into them and I see the buds. They are so beautiful, but my heart is so wounded.
A bee buzzes from one bud to the next, stealing the pollen from each to bring back to his hive. I look at the buds once red and full, and they look empty and white. I want to make the bee stop. He’s ruining the buds! But then I remember, the bee must do this for the tree to become full and beautiful.
“This is what I am doing…”
I hear HIS voice and I suddenly understand. He’s taking me, breaking me so that I might become more. He’s taking away my buds so that I might bloom. I trust HIM and smile as I walk back to that shady space on the porch.