I’m FINE!

fine

 We’ve all seen the meme’s on Facebook

and Pinterest, the ones that say that if a

Woman says she’s fine, she is anything

but that. Sometimes this is true,

and sometimes it is not, but that’s

another conversation for another time.

Today I am going to share what it means to be FINE.

 

I have gone through some very rough times. Sometimes where I had no idea where I was going, what I was doing, and I felt like I had messed up too much to ever get past it. But each time someone would ask me how I was, I was “good,” or “fine.”

A friend told me something once. I’m not sure if he read it somewhere or thought of it himself; he said it more as a joke, but it really was true. He said that fine was actually an acronym.

Freaked out

Insecure

Neurotic

Emotional

It cheered me up at the time and gave us both a good laugh, but the more I think about it, even today, I see the truth in that statement. See, going through that time in my life I was depressed and stressed, and downright struggling.

 I was freaked out! I had no idea what I was doing, or how to get where I wanted to be. I felt like my world was out of control but there was nothing I could do to fix it.

I was insecure! I didn’t feel good about my life, who I was being, what I was doing, or where my life was taking me at the time.

I was neurotic! I was anxious about everything! I was scared that my life would never get better and I was hung up on all the bad things that had happened to me.

I was emotional! I can’t remember a day that went by that I didn’t cry back then. I cried on buses, in cars, behind bathroom stalls, in secluded rooms, in bed, in the shower, on the couch and on the kitchen floor. My emotions were everywhere!

Saying “I’m Fine” became my code word to my friends, a way to tell them yes I was struggling, but no, I didn’t want to talk about it. It was my way of admitting that I needed help; something that can be very VERY hard when you’re hurting. It was my way of silently asking for them to pray for me, and spend time with me because deep down I was just utterly lonely.

 So my question for you today is… Are you good? Or are you FINE?

2 thoughts on “I’m FINE!

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