Last week we talked about my struggle with self-harm. This week we will talk about how I got help, and began down the road of recovery.
After hiding my pain for so many years, and my self-harm for months, I finally admitted to my mentors that I was cutting and the response I got was completely opposite of what I expected. There are very few memories of that time of my life but the one that I hold close to my heart is one that led to
my breakthrough of emotions.
I believed that no one cared about how I felt and no one had time to listen or help me. I learned that although people might not have time, they
WOULD make time.
I remember sitting on the floor of my mentor’s office, sobbing and she sat beside me, rocking me, and praying over me. I had no idea how deep I was within my own emotional and mental pain until I discovered that I was not sure if I even believed in the God she was praying to.
Not once did my mentors yell at me, or get angry with me. I had no idea at the time what I was putting them through but I know now that they were
never mad at me.
If anything they were concerned, maybe scared. There were times I really did not like them; the time they took away my sharp objects, or would not let me leave until I talked to them. At times, I wanted nothing to do with them, but I know they care and no matter what I thought or felt about them, I have the
deepest sense of respect for them.
That day was a turning point for me. It was not the last time I hurt myself. It was not the last time I felt the pain and turmoil I experienced that day. But it was the first time I allowed my emotions and feelings to be shared out in the open. It was the first time I became that vulnerable to another human being. It was a turning point in my life.