I am a Survivor!

The year of 2014 brought many new things into my life. 2014 was the year that I launched Defying Shadows. 2014 was the year that I went back to school. 2014 was the year Satan tried to kill me.

I’ve sat here staring at this computer screen, trying to find the words for what I want to say. Somethings are so much more than words can begin to say. Last year I got very sick; both mentally and physically. Being away at college did a number on me, and being naive I thought I could handle it. I thought if I just kept pushing, one day it would all get better. But it didn’t. I got to the point where I was is so much physical pain, that getting out of bed just wasn’t in the cards for me. Eventually, I began to lose hope. Something I strive to share with my readers on a regular basis.

2014 was the year that I realized I am not invincible. 2014 was the year I moved back home. 2014 was the year my whole world changed.

Eventually, I gave up. I told myself I couldn’t do it anymore. I told myself there was never going to be an end, and I believed the lie that Satan had put into my head. I decided I was done trying, and I tried to take my own life. By the grace of God and the love of my friends, I got to a hospital in time, and the doctors did their best to help me get better. My loving parents drove six hours to come to me, pack me and my stuff up into a van, and drove me home.

2014 was the year I got my diagnosis. 2014 was the year I allowed others to help me. 2014 was the year I got better.

Coming home was hard. Seeing the tears in my parents eyes was even harder. But my parents are determined people, and they will fight for things they know are right; things they believe in. And they believed in me. After visiting several doctors, and learning about what I was going through, I learned that I have a mental health disorder called Bipolar Disorder. I also learned that the medication I had been on, was actually causing me to be more sick, rather than getting better. A week of detox, and many days of classes, therapy and counseling, I began to see progress. And soon the old me appeared. But something had changed.

2014 was the year I grew up. 2014 was the year I changed. 2014 was the year I became stronger!

The song what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger makes me smile every time I hear it. There is a hint of truth in that song. Having went through all that I did, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I realize the beauty in my life that I never saw before. I learned that some things are worth fighting for. And I learned that no matter what happens, I will survive. Because I am a survivor.

Written By: Nichole Howson

4 thoughts on “I am a Survivor!

  1. Beautifully written! And that you are handling it rather than avoiding or denying it shows your courage, strength, and wisdom! May our good Lord continue to give you strength as you fight!

  2. Nichole, you are well named. Your name means “Victorious Heart”. You have and will continue to have victory with Bipolar. When you were just a few days old, you blessed a stranger in the ICU ward, now, you bless strangers from around the world. Press onward, my dear daughter! Our God is an amazing God and He has so much in store for you! It is my blessing to sit back and watch you grow in and be used by the Lord.

    1. I have struggled with depression for 5 years and learning, accepting and being bravw inspite of it has changed everything. I believe people with mental illness have a deep well of feeling and being. Its a heavy load to bare but you understand things many wont ever. You keep being brave and sharing your stoey. People need to hear it and have a reach for hope!!

  3. Well written Nichole. It is important to share your story and to bring forward public education, debunk untruths and let he light of the Lord shine through you. Thank you.

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