In honour of Valentine’s day this upcoming Saturday, Defying Shadows is doing a week on the different valentine shadows that can make this time of year a bit difficult. Today I will be sharing how to live through a Breaking-Up. Remember, breaking up may be hard, but your story is not over yet! Enjoy!
“It’s not you it’s me.”
“I don’t think this is going to work.”
“Let’s just be friends.”
There are so many different ways to break up with a person; there are so many ways to be broken up with. That doesn’t make the healing process any easier though. That’s right. I said healing. Breaking up can be a very difficult thing that requires emotional and even mental healing. So here are my “Ten steps to living through a breakup!”
Think it through
You know your going to anyways, so take some time and think through the breakup, the events leading up to it, and the duration of relationship as a whole. Allow yourself time to process through it! But don’t set up camp here! Do not fall into the trap of obsession. It is easy to obsess about the event and wonder what could have been, but that will not lead you to healing, so be sure to move on.
No Second Guessing
If you were the one doing the breaking-up, it can easy to remember only the good times and forget the reasons why you broke up with them in the first place. Stick to your decision. Be sure not to remember only the good times! All yourself to admit those things about your ex that drove you crazy but you were too in love to admit. Quick, answer this question: “I am better off without him/her because….”
Keep Your Space
It is easy to say “Let’s stay friends,” when you break up but to move past this time in your life, you need to give yourself some respect and space. Give yourself a break. Take time to heal, regroup, and re-energize. Keeping your space means hanging out with a group of friends that doesn’t include your ex. It means passing on phone calls or text messages to your ex. It means unfriending them on Facebook and unfollowing them on Twitter.
Deal with the Pain
Remind yourself that it is okay to have a combination of many different feelings. It is okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, confused and even exhausted! It is okay to cry. You are suffering a loss of someone you cared about! Deal with the rage stage. It is okay to be angry! Just take it out on a punching bag and not a person!
Talk to Your Friends
When you are suffering a loss of someone you cared about it is very important to surround yourself with people who love you and can be there for you. Talk about how you are dealing and feeling! Ladies, can anyone say girlz night? Chocolate and a chick flick always seems to help me!
Express Your Feelings
Write your feelings down on a piece of paper and then rip it to shreds. Or burn it. Write a poem or a song. Paint. Draw. Find some way to express the feelings that you are going through. It will help you make sense of them and help bring closure.
Out with the Old, In with the New
Remember how we unfriended our ex in step three? Now unfriend his mom, dad, and siblings. Get rid of anything that might be a memory trigger. Someone once told me that when you break up with someone you should put all those memory triggers, all the photos and gifts into a box. Tape it shut and have someone store it for a while. Once you are sure that you are never getting back together, then you can throw it out or donate the items to goodwill! Be sure to remind yourself that moving on is the end goal.
Remember, you still have a future! Take time for yourself, and de-stress. Check out Melanie’s blog post called “Just Chill” for reasons why it is important to de-stress and ways to make it possible. For other ways to increase happiness check out my seven step plan!
Get outside! New environment = new perspective! Go for a run! Go to the gym! You might not be ready to start yoga yet, but I hear kickboxing is a great exercise that will dramatically improve your mood as well!
Let go of the Negativity
Remember to put yourself first. Remember who you are! You are not defined by your relationship status. Be sure that you do not blame yourself. Instead, love yourself! Know that you will find someone perfect for you when the time is right.
What are your thoughts on my ten steps? Do you have any you would add? Tell me in the comments below!