When I was sixteen I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. My doctor at the time was a sweet, older Chinese lady, who had a strong faith in Christ, just as I did. She held my hands and told me, “I can give you some pills to manage this, or you can go to the ultimate healer and ask Him to help you through this.”
I chose to ask God for the help instead of a pharmaceutical company. I went home that night and I prayed. I prayed harder than I ever had before. I begged God to heal me over and over. I bartered with God saying if he could heal me I would never complain about my life again.
Months past, and my anxiety disorder followed me. I got angry because God wouldn’t heal me. He wouldn’t make this anxiety disorder go away. I could not understand why. One day I was reading 1 Peter 5 and I stumbled across a few verses that changed how I prayed from that day on.
“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.
To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.”
(1 Peter 5:6-11, NIV).
You see, every time I prayed for healing, I asked God to make the disorder go away. I didn’t want to be “weird” or to have a label written on me. It was a selfish prayer. It wasn’t about the healing, it was about becoming what I perceived as normal. When I read these verses, I started to think about my “Anxiety Disorder.” I thought about where my anxiety was coming from. Then I took that anxiety, and I handed it to God. It was then that I was filled with a sense of peace. A sense of healing that I had been after for so long.
My anxiety came from the devil, and God is the only one who can win the battle against Satan. Through Jesus’ name, I found healing. I “resisted [the devil], standing firm in [my] faith, because [I knew] that the family of believers throughout the world [were] undergoing the same kind of sufferings” and it was God’s grace that restored me, making me strong again.
If you are struggling right now, please remember these three things.
You are not alone, You are special, and You are loved.