Most of my friends have seen Fifty Shades of Grey or have read the book. For me it was not an option and IS NOT an option. I would love to get together with my girlfriends for what seems like a harmless night out but for me it wouldn’t be so harmless. You see I am a recovering sex addict. Of course there was a time when I would never admit that to anyone. There is a type of shame with that statement that comes along and just eats you up inside.
The reality is sex addiction is very real. With a culture that is more and more obsessed about sex it is surprising that we do not hear more about it.
The National Council on Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity has defined sexual addiction as “engaging in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behavior that is acted out regardless of increasing negative consequences to self and others.” This means that a person will act upon impulses or engage in certain behavior without considering the consequences of their actions.
So when Fifty Shades of Grey came out I knew I couldn’t see it. I knew deep down in the pit of my gut that it would potentially be a downfall for me to walk into that theatre. It is just as dangerous for me to see as it would be for an alcoholic to walk into a bar full of friends having a drink. The risk is too great.
Sexual provocation in today’s society is increasing and for someone like me it is imperative that I keep my mind focused. It is so easy to get sidetracked. Living a life where everything is about sex, scheming for sex and looking for every sexual opportunity is such a destructive way to live. It took two years of therapy and a lot of support to get to where I am. Why would I sabotage that with a movie?
You might say, “Really a movie can do that” or “Come on, it’s just a movie” but to me it is more than just a movie. It is me separating myself from something that is a weakness. Watching the movie could potentially open up a doorway to possibly fall and that to me is not worth the risk. Yes, it is that fragile of a disorder.
Due to the different terminology used there is inconsistency in the way sex addiction is diagnosed. This makes it difficult to determine how big of a problem it really is. According to the National Association of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity it is estimated that between 3 to 6 percent of Americans suffer from some form of sex addiction.
There are treatment programs available for sex addiction using some of the same strategies that have been proven to effectively treat chemical dependency. Part of that treatment is learning to remain separate from situations that could “trigger” compulsive behavior.
I use prayer, a lot of self talk, and reading and quoting scriptures to remind myself to focus on good clean thoughts.
My favorite is Philippians 4:8 (NLT) And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.
I am so grateful to not have those days of continued shame and regret. I know that I have to stay strong for my children that need me to be the best mom I can be.
So, I am sorry but I am not sorry that I cannot go see Fifty Shades of Grey with you.
I am a mom to four boys and I am married to an amazing man that has always supported my passion to share my heart. I currently stay home with my boys and work from home for a call center. My favorite thing is to travel and see new places. I love to be crafty but don’t find much time for it… instead I scroll through Pinterest day dreaming. I have my Bachelor’s in psychology but my goal is to go back to school and finish my Master’s in Behavioral Science so that I can actually work in the field of behavioral health.
Defying Shadows 