Confessions of the Awkward

I need to say something. I. Am. Awkward. There! I said it. Judge all you want. I know you all are. Oh wait, nope, that’s probably all in my head. You’re all reading this and thinking, what the heck is this girl going on about now?! How is this going to help me? What is the point of this post? Well let me tell you…. There is no point. If there was a point, it would be to make you laugh. And if you’re anything like me, it might make you feel…. Well…. Less awkward!

If you’ve ever met me and spent a long period of time with me, I’m sure you’ve noticed my quirks. If you’ve only met me briefly, then there is a slight chance that you escaped the horrific event. Either way, I want to share with you a working list of my awkwardness. I hope this brings a smile to your face.

 

  1. Do you know how to shake hands? I do! But let me tell you, one of the most awkward things I experience constantly is shaking hands. Sometimes it feels like the person is trying to grasp my hand like I am falling off a cliff. And then there’s times when for whatever reason we don’t reach far enough and I end up holding the tips of your fingers in my hand and shaking with such enthusiasm to make up for the fact that I once again screwed up the easiest, most basic greeting gesture.
  2. Have you ever went to for coffee with someone, sat down, chatted for an hour or so and then went home thinking wow, that was a great conversation and I had a great time? Yea, not me. I go for coffee, sit down and think, shoot what are we going to talk about? Do I have coffee breath? Wait, I haven’t taken a sip of my coffee yet. Will I have coffee breath? I hope I don’t say anything stupid! Wait, what are we going to talk about again….? And the circle continues. This of course then transfers into the conversation and between awkward pauses comes out a jumbled mess of randomness.
  3. Sometimes when someone asks me a question I ramble… a lot. I speak super fast and the words come tumbling out of my mouth like clowns coming out of a clown car. Then the poor person whom asked a question stares at me like a deer in the headlights and has no idea what I said, or what language it may have been in. For those wondering, it’s called “Nicholies,” also known as verbal diarrhea.
  4. I’m sure you all know what rambling is, but I just feel the need to explain…. and this probably proves the point. I tend to use more words then needed to explain what I am trying to say. In my defense, sometimes I start to say something that could be perceived as inappropriate, realize this, and then try to rectify this by doing this round the bush dance.
  5. I’m a Hugger. This is not usually a problem. But sometimes it is, and when it is, that’s awkward. Going in for a hug when the other member is trying to shake hands never ends well. Never. Yet it happens on a regular basis.
  6. You know that dance that people do when you’re trying to walk around each other, but you end up getting in each others way? This happens to me all the time. And for all those whom have experienced it understand how awkward it can be.
  7. When you see someone staring at you, what do you do? Most people look away and avoid eye contact. I, on the other hand have a tendency to stare back at them and purposely make a funny face to startle them and cause them to look away. Please let this be a lesson to all, I hate being stared at.
  8. Growing up and living in a small town in a farming community, I run in to the issue of meeting people who know me when I don’t know them, all the time! This is partially due to my father being a firefighter and a farmer, and partially due to the fact that our family has so many distant relatives that we haven’t even met half of them! But no matter what the reason is, it is all very awkward. Always.
  9. I have worked in retail twice in my life. Both times I have found myself in the situation where a complete stranger knows my name. This of course is due to the badge on my chest that says, “Hi, My Name is Nichole” but every time it happens I get completely weird-ed out and slightly surprised. I remember soon after that I am wearing the badge, but it’s too late. The awkwardness has already been made.
  10. You know how in movies, someone tells a funny story at the dinner table and someone laughs and sprays their drink out of their mouth or nose? I have done this. At large family gatherings. In a Restaurant. All over my grandfather.

 

Well there you have it. My awkwardness wrapped up into an awkward blog post. I hope you enjoyed and maybe even laughed; just not when you’re drinking. That makes a mess and can’t be too good for your electronic device either.

 

Have a great day!

Nichole

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