On Struggling With Recovery

I ate three meals today.

I ate when I was hungry and stopped when I wasn’t.

My therapist would call this recovery behavior.

But I can’t quiet the voice in my head that says, “How can you lose weight if you keep eating?”

 

Everyone thinks I’m so much better because I completed IOP and I’m not binging.

But they don’t know I cry almost every night.

 

I want to tell you, to make you understand.

But I can’t tell you, because you don’t understand.

 

Moderation in all things.

In all things, moderation.

This includes my workout – 2 miles instead of 10.

This includes my eating – 2 pieces, not the whole thing.

Why doesn’t this seem to include my thoughts?

Debbie 2Debbie is an addiction counselor and yoga teacher in Indiana.  She is an avid reader of any genre, and has published fantasy short stories; she is still working on the elusive novel.  Recently, Debbie has ventured into non-fiction writing, in hopes that discussing her life with an eating disorder will help someone in need.  Debbie’s loves include her niece Lillie and her girl-cat, Emilio Estevez.  She is passionate about mental health awareness, especially related to addiction and eating disorders.

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