#TBD| A Letter To Myself on The Day of Diagnosis

This post was originally shared on Nichole’s personal blog.

Dear Nichole,

I know right now everything is kinda foggy… The combination of medications you’ve been on for the past few months has done a number on you, but it’s finally going to change. That lady there who’s talking, shes the one who’s going to help you finally make sense of what is going on. She’s going to help you and your family make some serious changes in your life. It’s not going to happen over night, and it won’t be easy, but it’ll all be worth it.

That lady – kneeling down in front of you, speaking very slowly… She’s saying something super important. “This is not your fault.” The circumstance that you are in at this moment is not your fault. This undiagnosed Bipolar Disorder you’ve been living with all these years… That’s not your fault either. These five letter words are going to help you through these next few years. You’ll have it written on a sticky note above your desk to help you through the tough days years later. Try to believe this truth so you can heal.

The next three months will be hard. I’m not going to sugar coat it. Detox sucks. You’re not going to remember much of what happened or what is happening. Some of it will come back to you as your brain heals… Some of it wont. Try not to dwell on that.. Believe me, it doesn’t get you anywhere.

Get your sleep. Don’t underestimate how important your sleep is to you. If you’re having trouble sleeping, consult your doctor immediately so you can ensure a speedy recovery. Take your medication every day… No matter what. If you think your medication is too high or two low, share those concerns but do not make the changes on your own.

One last thing… There’s a life lesson that you’re going to need to learn before you can become strong again. Forgiveness. You need to let go of the anger, the hurt or the frustration with others, with God and with yourself. Once you can let go of all that negative stuff, you will find that you can live a full and successful life.

Be strong. Be brave. And no matter what… Don’t give up. You’re going to do great.

Love,

Your Future Self.