This post was posted originally on The Mighty.
1. Their personalities are not dreary in the slightest.
People with concealed depression might be some of the charismatic and alive people you know, prone to having a sharp tongue and hyper-creative mind.
2. Their biggest challenge is to shut off their brain.
I’m able to process the world around me at rapid-fire speed — the good and the bad. It’s like my brain is a sponge soaking in everything causing me to be hyper-aware and highly intuitive.
3. Subsequently, I’m more vulnerable to numbing myself with alcohol or drugs.
It can provide a temporary off switch for my brain, putting a halt to the never-ending flow of thoughts and ideas.
4. That is, until the hangover.
My hangovers make me extremely emotionally vulnerable — my worry often centers on a fear of being judged by others. The next morning I’m left in fear of what I could have said to that one person.
5. They have the most agony about other people’s agony.
My moments of breathtaking emotional pain are often triggered by seeing other people suffer. I’m very in tune with other people’s feelings. When strangers cry, I can’t help but feel their pain.
6. If I do something to hurt someone, it feels like a stab wound to the heart.
When I say “I’m sorry,” I’m really sorry — what you will never see are the hours I spend going over every single detail of the fight.
7. Concealed sadness has a lot to do with the ways people try to personally conquer their own demons.
For many, it is “self-regulating” their thoughts. Brain: What meaning does life have? You: Damn it, this again? Homie we went over this a million times and – Brain: Yeah, but there’s just one more thing I still don’t – You: … It’s 3 a.m.
8. They have many friends or acquaintances, but very few people who they truly share their world with.
I hate meaningless small talk and avoid it like the plague — having unauthentic conversations can feel overwhelming and exhausting.
9. They are very difficult to truly get to know.
I come across as being larger than life — many are easily drawn to me and perceive me as being extroverted, only to be confused later on when they realize I’m also very introspective, with moments of isolating myself to recharge my social batteries alone.
10. Finding someone who I relate to on an emotional plane is rare.
I hang on to the people who are stimulating enough for me to stop over-thinking for dear life.
11. They are wicked smart.
A high intelligence is linked to depression — smarter people can envision all sorts of worst-case scenarios, and while this is stressful, it means I know how to handle or respond to each one, making me a great problem-solver.
12. They are uncomfortable seeing people in pain…
and will do everything in their power to ensure other people don’t see them struggle. I don’t want to be pitied, or to bring anyone down because making the people around me feel loved and special actually eases my sadness greatly.
13. Their sadness can actually make them driven.
Since my sadness is often perpetuated by my constant search for a purpose, I will always attempt to do more to satisfy something inside of me that’s always hungry for more.
14. They often feel like they have no control…
so I compensate for fear of the unknown.
15. They make situations worse for themselves by trying to conceal their sadness.
I am a very expressive person, but it’s difficult for me to express anguish. I feel like people won’t understand what I’m going through and I feel like I have to protect myself — my heart, the people around me and the success of my dreams.
Many of you reading this will be know how easy it is to feel lost and alone. The truth is, no one has to hide the darkest and most unpleasant parts of themselves – the world we live in encourages this, but it’s those darkest parts that also have the most light in them. All that pain produces understandings that create a new level of living.
No matter how complicated someone is, it’s important for everyone to understand that person is searching for love and acceptance. We all are. Open your heart to someone even if it scares you to death. People will be in love with you regardless of your most comfortable state.
Anna Bashkova spent her early twenties feeling messed up, lost, confused, struggling with concealed anxiety and not ever having a plan B. She now dedicates her site to spread the message that you’re allowed to sidetrack. You’re allowed to feel lost. You’re allowed to have moments where you don’t love yourself. But you can never, ever let anyone fool you that you can’t do something. Including yourself.