This Indecisive Brain of Mine

For those who don’t have a mental illness, it’s hard to imagine what those who do have one go through. Although it’s possible to go online and read about different mental illnesses and learn about the different symptoms and what each illness is, I’ve always found that the best way to learn about mental illness is hearing from someone who best understands what it’s like.

As I’ve mentioned before, I have bi-polar disorder. So this will be about my experience living with it and how my mind works.

In a nutshell, bi-polar disorder consists of episodes between mania and depression. Depression, being a mental illness on its own, is one of the hardest things that I’ve ever dealt with. For me, my mind goes completely blank, and I cry for no legitimate reason. However, that’s only a small portion of it. This is typically how I feel day to day when I go through a depressive episode. Often times, when I’m going through a depressive episode, a lot of what I felt about myself and my body when I was younger comes back. I criticize every little thing I do and every detail about myself – and find it extremely difficult to find something that I like about myself.

Mania, on the other hand, is a completely different topic. I feel this over confidence that I’ve never felt before. Similar to someone who’s arrogant. But then there’s a sense of “I’m on top of the world and I can do everything and anything” – only I think I can get it all done in a short amount of time when I know I clearly can’t.

Although this is just a brief overview of my bi-polar brain, if I were to write down everything, you’d be reading a novel. And honestly, nobody’s got time for that (including me).


Alex Newton is a nursing student and mental health advocate. She grew up in a small town and plans on moving to London, England one day and open up her own health practice. She has a cat named Maya who she adopted whilst going through some difficulties. She’s a daughter, sister, and warrior who enjoys a nice cuppa tea.


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