When you’re in a romantic relationship, it’s always good to check the health of it, just like you get a checkup for your physical health. I’ve compiled a simple list of 10 questions to ask yourself that will help you determine if you’re in a relationship that’s not in your best interest. When you read each one, think of your relationship. Really think about each question and be honest with yourself. I know how easy (and painful) it can be to excuse away someone’s bad behavior when it hurts to face it.
- Do you have a voice in your relationship? When I was in an abusive relationship, I lost my voice. Not my speaking voice, but my internal voice, my ability to speak up for myself. I felt invisible, unheard, and undervalued. Do you feel that way? Like your thoughts, dreams, opinions are belittled or don’t matter at all?
- Are you afraid? Do you fear your mate? Are you afraid of his or her reactions? Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, trying hard not to upset him or her because you’re afraid of what will happen if you do?
- Do you feel nervous or panicked if your mate texts or calls you and you’re not able to respond right away? This is a sign your mate is controlling, manipulative, and possessive. It’s not romantic. Don’t try to convince yourself that it’s “just because he misses me so much.” He’s checking up on you and has a need to know nearly every second, what you’re doing and who you’re with.
- Do you feel like you can’t make an independent decision? Often, this is a major goal of abusers. They want their victims to be so confused, so lacking in self-esteem, that they second guess almost every move they make. They believe they need to be completely dependent on their mate to make even the smallest decisions.
- Are you being insulted? Lied to? Cheated on? Bad, bad, and bad. If even one of these applies to you, it’s a tremendous problem. You’re not being treated well and valued.
Please visit Melanie’s blog for the other 5 questions to ask yourself. Enter into and stay safe in your relationships!
Melanie Pickett is a writer and speaker. Her blog was born out of her desire to reach and encourage women who’ve experienced struggle and hurts, particularly domestic abuse, as she has. Melanie speaks and writes about her own experiences as well as different aspects of relationships, healthy and otherwise, to inform, inspire, and make others feel encouraged and supported. She is an entertainment editor for a Christian women’s magazine and co-founder of the women’s ministry Yours Girls for women all-in for Jesus. Melanie is married and has two amazing teenage children who are her heart and soul. When she’s not writing, she’s reading, spending time with her family, cuddling her pug Gracie, or enjoying the beauty near her home in West Michigan. You can keep up with Melanie at her blog, on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.