Losing a loved one is one of life’s major life events. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I lost my mum last year at first I cried but then I went into organization mode helping dad to organize the funeral. I have not cried since but have been told this is normal. Grief can leave a void that is hard to fill.
There are seven stages of grief as follows:
- Numbness and disbelief denial
- Pain and guilt as the shock wears off the suffering can be unbelievable pain although unbearable, it is an important part of the process that you experience. Drinking alcohol or taking drugs as an escape is not good and will only lead to depression.
- Anger and Bargaining. Frustration gives way to anger and you may lash out and lay the blame for the death on someone else. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotions.
- Depression and reflection. Loneliness a long period of sad reflection this may well overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief. During this time you finally realize the true magnitude of your grief. You may sense feelings of emptiness of despair.
- As you start to adjust to life without your loved one. Your physical symptoms lesson and your depression begins to lift.
- Working through as you become more functional your mind starts working again and you will find yourself working through stuff again.
- Acceptance and hope. During this time you learn to accept and deal with with the reality of your situation. This does not mean you will find instant happiness, but you will find a way through.
Sometimes people may experience prolonged grief which lasts over a year or more, and you may need to seek help from a medical professional, as they may have depression. This is often referred to as complicated grief.
How to help someone with grief.
If you know someone who is grieving you may wonder how to help them. Here are some suggestions:
DO: Be there pick up the phone and call them, write a letter or arrange to visit them.
Contact that person at difficult times such as anniversaries birthdays, mention useful support agencies.
DON’T: Do not avoid the person who is grieving.
Do not use clichés such as you will get over it.
Below is a poem I read at my mums funeral I thought I would share it with you.
Death is nothing at all By Henry Scott Holland
“Death is nothing at all, I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are whatever we were to each other that we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no difference into your tone, wear no forced air or solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed.
Together play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant, it is the same as it was before.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be cut out of sight?
I am but waiting for you for an interval somewhere around the corner all is well.
Nothing is past, nothing is lost one brief moment and all will be as it was before, only better happier and forever. We will be together with Christ”
Claudette is a passionate campaigner and activist for mental health stigma and domestic abuse. She believes that everyone should be treated equally regardless of their disability or gender. She has diagnoses of Bipolar Disorder, endometriosis, Chronic Fatigue and Fibromyalgia. Claudette has a certificate in Management studies. Her interests include beauty, makeup, animals politics, current affairs and social networking.
You can follow Claudette on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.
2 thoughts on “BEREAVEMENT”
Lovely blog with some great advice. Well done Claudette.
Some of us are walking in your shoes Claudette but only you can feel what you feel and that feeling is unique – hold on it and own it. It can be comforting. It can make you smile as you reflect on the good times. Anger can take a much longer time to release but we have to pool on that inner strength and work on it. But don’t forget to be gentle on yourself as the pain can get in the way. Eventually we will get there.
Soon sadness will replace the depression and that is so much more gentle . Then we have hope and plans and dreams but we never forget. We will never forget.